02.21.07

of pancakes and phones

Posted in toys at 12:33 am by Rob Fahey

Abrahamic religion, I have decided, is carefully structured to encourage hypocrisy through means of tasty things. Despite being staunchly atheist since the age of 13 or so (prior to which I simply thought the whole idea was a bit silly, but probably didn’t know the word “atheist”), I find Christmas and Easter utterly irresistible – not because of the birth or death of Christ, but because of Christmas Cake, Mince Pies, Turkey, Trifle, Brandy Butter and Chocolate Coins in midwinter, and great big whopping eggs made of chocolate (not to mention Simnel Cake and an inevitable lamb roast) in spring. As a Celt, I argue that this harks back to the fine festivals which Christianity usurped in the first place – this is, of course, retroactive reasoning, because I like eating tasty things.

Similarly, while Lent means nothing to me, the day immediately preceding this solemn time of fasting is endlessly enticing with its promise of pancakes. I really enjoy making pancakes, and am rather partial to consuming them as well; they’re a uniquely wonderful foodstuff, one of the few which changes from main course to dessert depending on what topping you choose. At this evening’s mini-feast, dessert began when we ran out of sausages, and replaced it with chocolate sauce and raspberry ice cream. I confess that this happened rather earlier in the proceedings than a nutritional advisor might have considered wise.

Every time I make pancakes for Shrove Tuesday, I promise myself that I’ll do it more often in future – they’re an incredibly simple and fun thing to make, and there’s nothing quite like bacon, sausages, pancakes and freshly ground coffee on a Sunday morning to make the lazy day at the end of the week seem worthwhile. I never keep this promise, though, with the result that when I set out to attempt pancake-making again 12 months later, I’m a rank amateur again, and am forced to hide the first few sad, deformed pancakes from the light of day. Rumours that I hide them in my belly may hold some substance.

For a set of religions largely focused on abstinence, fasting and general guilt and misery, Christianity seems rather good at keeping people adhering to its various festivals with the temptation of delicious treats. Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised – how many Catholic priests would bother saying mass on a Sunday if they didn’t get to prance around with some nubile altar boys in the process? A fine application of the carrot from a religion better known for the stick.

Speaking of sticks, I’d quite like to hit someone at Orange with one – or even several, should the initial sticks fail me during the course of this prolonged beating. Having agreed to upgrade my phone last week, they warned me that the new phone would come with a SIM, so the old SIM will stop working at some point. The old SIM duly gave up the ghost this evening.

Unfortunately, there’s no sign of my bloody phone, which leaves me completely unable to make or receive calls until it arrives. Which is just great.

(In other news – hi, LiveJournal Friends List! After playing around with the RSS-feed-to-Livejournal idea for my blog, I’m now just cross-posting entries using an automagic piece of plugin wizardry suggested by Mart, who writes a blog featuring both towels AND cats. You can remove the annoying RSS thing from your friends list, if you want. Or just leave it, if you want to read all my wisdom twice.)

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